Thursday, May 31, 2012

Fifty Shade of Grey Review

What I was expecting...

What I got instead...

I was so completely distracted by the ridiculous writing in this novel to even slightly enjoy any of it. This is the worst book that I have ever read. In order to finish the rest of it halfway through I decided that someone should turn it into a drinking game (I can't drink right now because I am pregnant but I would have gotten WASTED).

"Oh crapola" is actually written in this book along with "he is yummy". And among the "Ohhhhhh fuck" and "Ohhhhh shit"'s in this book I wanted to hang myself. Actually halfway through I took a count of how many times "Holy (insert Fuck, Shit, Cow, Moly here)" and just in the last half it's written 83 times. 83 times!

Another expression that was giving me readers anxiety was the main character's reference to her "Inner Goddess" which in the last half of the book is written 41 times. Kill me.

You can tell the author just wanted to play with her thesaurus with sentences such as, "it's not how I envisaged my first romance," and "finally, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose." *gag* *kill me please*

The same words are written on every page of this book. Here is my summary of the book...

"Jeez, my inner goddess is screaming holy fuck" he mutters while she blushes [insert violent sex scene where after the girl cries].

By the way whomever classified this novel as "the best romance ever written"...Seriously? Seriously? This guy beats her to the point where she is crying and she admits staying with him because he is beautiful and rich. Who ever wants a relationship based on this one is seriously "fifty shades of fucked up" like the main character describes himself. I am so angry at this book that I can't even go into depth about how wrong it is. And there are two more!?!?! No thanks, I will insert my above sentence into word and copy and paste it all about 300 pages worth and tell people I read the other books.

Please, for the sake of your sanity, don't waste time reading this book.  And if you do, don't tell you I didn't warn you.


  1. That's so funny. My sister has a terrible book club...and they just finished reading it. It was about the same conclusion...I want to read it because it's so terrible....but I don't was to waste a day of my life...

    1. Just skim through the pages and you'll get the basic idea haha

  2. This is terrible! I've heard so much about this book. Mainly how hot and steamy it is by pregnant women or housewife friends. I admit to being interested enough that I downloaded the .pdf out of curiosity but have yet to read it. Sounds like the writing is right on par with the novels that inspired the work (it started as Twilight fanfiction, no joke). Does he actually beat her?!

    1. He has such rough sex with her that it hurts and she cries all the time. It's horrible.